Winning over mom might be the key
WASHINGTON — Guys, if you want to get the girl, try bringing flowers — to her mother.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, it’s something to think about: Winning over mom may sound old-fashioned, but it’s still a smart strategy in today’s fast-changing world of dating.
In a new poll, 6 in 10 young women say when they’re thinking of getting serious with somebody, their mother’s approval is “extremely” or “very” important.
“She makes the call,” said Jessica Wilhelm, a 19-year-old college student and self-described “mommy’s girl.”
Wilhelm, from Brighton, Mich., said she learned her lesson in high school when she tried going out with “the guy your parents don’t want.”
“It’s not a good idea,” she said. “It doesn’t go smoothly for anybody.”
A mere 6 percent of women younger than 30 say their mother’s opinion matters “not at all” when dating, the Associated Press-WE TV poll found.
Four in 10 young women would consider breaking up with someone mom didn’t like, according to the poll. Indeed, 16 percent say they’ve dumped a guy for that reason.
Sons worry a little less than daughters about what mom thinks, the survey found. Still, half of 18-to-29-year-old men say her approval is extremely or very important when a relationship might get serious.
Andy Lowney, 22, of DeWitt, Mich., said if he were dating a woman his mother didn’t like, he wouldn’t ditch her immediately.
“I’d see if it’s something you can change over time,” he said. “But long, long term, that’s going to be an issue.”
Dads, the stereotypical gatekeepers for teenage daughters, still have some say, too.
Half of young women and nearly 40 percent of young men put high importance on dad’s opinion when a romance is getting serious. A father’s view outranks what friends or siblings think, according to the poll.
Kelsley Broomfield, 21, said her parents deploy different tactics when sizing up boyfriend material.
Her mother, always friendly and chatty, asks the what-do-you-want-to-do-with-your-life questions. Dad listens and doesn’t say much, but he’ll signal his verdict later with a few subtle comments.
“He’s kind of the test,” said Broomfield.
Of course, dating a guy your parents like isn’t the same as dating a guy who’s like your parents.
And it turns out men aren’t necessarily looking for a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad, either. Among men and women of all ages, a slim majority — 51 percent — think it’s better to go out with someone who’s the opposite of their parents, instead of someone who reminds them of the folks.
And how do the folks feel about all this?
We’re not asking for much, they insist, but couldn’t you just listen to us now and then?
While few parents say they want a lot of sway over their grown children’s love lives, the vast majority of parents of all ages — 7 in 10 — would like to exert at least a little influence.
Alas, fewer than 6 in 10 parents believe they have, or will have, any influence at all.
