HUNTERSVILLE, N.C. 3 There were days when Tony Stewart couldn’t get out of bed. It was a chore to take a shower, to leave his room. The television was on, he would stare at it, and have no idea what he was watching.

He didn’t care about racing. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, let alone face his family, friends or other drivers. Stewart’s grief over the death of Kevin Ward Jr. was overwhelming, and he couldn’t find his way out of the fog.

Stewart, one of NASCAR’s biggest stars, spent three weeks in seclusion at his Indiana home after the car he was driving struck and killed Ward at a dirt track in upstate New York. He describes those weeks as the darkest of his life.

“I know 100 percent in my heart and in my mind that I did not do anything wrong. This was 100 percent an accident,” Stewart told The Associated Press on Thursday in his first interview since a grand jury decided he would not be charged in Ward’s death.

On the advice of legal counsel, Stewart would not describe what he remembers about the crash at Canandaigua Motorsports Park.

Sitting on the couch of his North Carolina home, a sprint car race in Arkansas on mute on the television, Stewart said not being able to talk about what happened is extending his anguish.

“It keeps me from moving forward. It just stays there, hanging over my head,” Stewart said.

Ward and Stewart didn’t know each other, and Stewart doesn’t recall them ever talking. He said he can’t imagine how the Ward family is feeling.

“I guess the end result is I don’t blame them for anything they say,” he said.

Understanding how to deal with his grief and getting back on the track was difficult. Stewart has had his share of controversy and drama in his volatile but successful 16-year NASCAR career; none of it prepared him for the emotions he felt following Ward’s death.

He said he needed professional help to cope with the situation, and asking for assistance wasn’t easy. Stewart, 43, isn’t married, has no children and keeps a tight inner circle. He’s a solitary figure of sorts.

“You sit there and you wrack your brain, you try to analyze `Why did this happen?”’ Stewart said. “I made myself miserable just trying to make sense of it ... I just couldn’t function. I’ve never been in a position where I just couldn’t function.”