The NFL season cranks into full gear this weekend, which means only one thing: Prepare to be ridiculed, mocked and feel total embarrassment.

No particular NFL team needs to get ready for that — even the Detroit Lions aren't likely to repeat 0-16 — but my fantasy football team does.

When it comes to my fortunes in that arena, everyone I touch turns to stone — or heads to the trainer's room, if not the hospital.

My kicker has been injured three straight years, for goodness sake.

Once-promising New England running back Laurence Maroney from a few years ago? I picked him. Ruined the guy for life. The Patriots even signed Fragile Fred Taylor as a free agent from Jacksonville during the offseason because Maroney can't stay healthy anymore.

I stayed away from Taylor in last year's fantasy draft because he's been so injury-prone throughout his career. He then goes on to play every game with no physical problems whatsoever.

In the meantime, my choice at quarterback was Matt Hasselbeck, who was never healthy for Seattle the entire season. It wouldn't have mattered if he was — he had no receivers to throw to because they all were hurt.

Andre Johnson, young standout wide receiver for the Houston Texans, is an up-and-comer and a nice safe pick. I select him and he promptly misses half the season with a hamstring, knee problem — whatever it was.

Woe is me.

The worst part is the comments I put up with from other league members. My nephew seems to think that because I'm a sports editor of a daily newspaper, I should have all of the inside information necessary to rule the fantasy football world.

But I deal in reality. And the reality is I stink at fantasy football.

The season hasn't even started yet and my first-round draft pick, Maurice Jones-Drew, is dealing with a bad hamstring. My backup quarterback, Matt Cassel, might not play this weekend because he's already gotten roughed up.

Denver wide receiver Eddie Royal is on my team and his quarterback, Kyle Orton, is dinged up. Atlanta's Roddy White was the first receiver I selected, so I'm waiting for the Falcons to land flat on their faces.

Call me a pessimist, but Donald Driver of Green Bay is on my squad just because he never gets hurt. I admire that.

Sorry, Donald. You've just been officially jinxed.

Don't push the panic button, but Hines Ward also is on my team this year.

Allow me to apologize in advance, Steelers fans.

Indianapolis running back Joseph Addai battled injuries last year — of course, I had him — and I selected him again this year.

Guess I'm just attracted to the bumps and bruises.

My fantasy football team hasn't even sniffed .500 for about five years now. Last year, we won all of three games.

But, hey, it's a new season and hope springs eternal.

Just have the bandages and ointments ready — for my bruised ego.

John Enrietto is sports editor of the Butler Eagle.