Every day after Lillian “Tootie” Bump and her husband, Robert “Bob” Bump, poured their second cup of coffee, he sang “You Are My Sunshine.”

That memory is signified by coffee-themed material stitched alongside that of fishes and hooks, music notes, pieces of his favorite shirts, and a “No Self But Country” square honoring the U.S. Navy adorned with a Vietnam Veteran patch.

Together they create a fabric tapestry that represents her husband's life.

“I thought it was just wonderful,” said Bump, 83, of Cabot.

The wall hanging was a gift from the hospice service that cared for Bump's husband before his death in 2018.

Family members who have experienced hospice say the program takes care of their loved ones' needs in those final hours. Then after the death, the care extends to family members who are coping and grieving in different ways.

Bump, 87, died Wednesday, Oct. 24, 2018, at Concordia of Fox Chapel after a two-year battle with dementia.

Bob, who was in the military more than 20 years, was the postmaster in Cabot for 12 years.

His wife cared for him at their home at the onset of his dementia. As it progressively worsened, Tootie Bump decided to place him in the care of Concordia Lutheran Ministries when he needed additional assistance.

“We all knew he was never going to come out,” Tootie Bump said.

When the Concordia staff realized Bump no longer drove, they arranged for transportation so she could visit her husband Mondays and Thursdays. Another person volunteered to take her Fridays.

Bump brought pictures of herself and their family to his room, which had a window where they could watch rabbits and deer running across the lawn, she said.

In addition to hourly check-ins for her husband, the staff also checked on Bump's needs.

“Hospice is absolutely wonderful,” she said. “It takes a special person to work that. They were so wonderful and took such good care of me too and him.”

The day her husband died he received last rites twice because two different parishes were notified, Bump said.

“You're going to heaven on the wings of the angels,” she told her husband.

Bump and their family were at his bedside.

“I was holding his hand,” she recalled. “He just went right into death.”

Dealing with grief

Bump is contemplating whether to attend a six-week bereavement program offered by hospice.

This is not her first experience with grief. Bob was her second husband.

“I'd never thought I'd have to bury a second husband,” she said. “One was bad enough, but, boy, two?”

Bump, originally from McCandless Township, was married to her first husband 35 years before his death. She celebrated 27 years with Robert.

“God has given me two wonderful men in my life,” she said. “I'm very, very grateful for that.”

After the death of her first husband, Bump was hesitant when she went with a friend, who had also lost a loved one, to the North Hills Passavant Hospital Bereavement meeting.

Bump was shocked to see 26 people sitting around an oval table who all experienced the loss of a loved one, including a parent or child. Bob was there, grieving the death of his first wife.

“When I left there, I said to myself I'm not going to be like this next year, I'm not going to allow myself to be like this. I'll get off of square A,” she said. “You have to move forward. You have no choice. You can either sit there and feel sorry for yourself the rest of your life, or you can sit there and be grateful at what God had given you and go forward; that's what I choose to do.”

She and her first husband did not talk about cremation or death, she said.

“I was younger too,” she said. “You don't think about things when you're that young, or at least I didn't.”

Bump and Bob went to a cremation seminar in Arizona, which is when they decided they would be cremated.

“If I go before you, I'd like half of my ashes to go with you and I'd like half of your ashes to go with me,” Bob told her.

The two made their plans at Fox Funeral Home in Saxonburg about seven years ago.

“When I go, they can put my half in there and my half in the other one. He'll go with his wife and I'll go with my husband,” she said adding each have their own plots. “We'll still be together, halfway.”

Although it was 30 years ago, Bump said she still misses her first husband. Those feelings are as intense for Bob.“You don't get over stuff like that, really,” she said. “I guess everybody grieves in different ways.”An activity occupies every day of the week on Bump's schedule.“You have your days,” she said. “I try to keep myself very busy so that I don't have to think about it.”'They were always there'Zelienople resident Mary Ann O'Neill also is dealing with the loss of a beloved husband.James “Seamus” O'Neill died June 14, 2019, while under the care of Good Samaritan Hospice in Wexford. That day also is Mary Ann's birthday.The couple of 53 years lived in their home in Zelienople for about 23 of those years after they moved from Allison Park. She says she is more hooked on football than she has ever been because of James.O'Neill retired in 1986 after her husband underwent throat surgery unrelated to his death. She attempted to work for a time while he was in recovery.“I took care of him for a couple years here — taking him to doctors and caring for him here at the house,” she said.However, James needed more care, she said. Prior to his admittance into the inpatient hospice facility, he was at Butler Memorial Hospital.When she learned about his poor condition, O'Neill went home to rearrange the family room to fit a hospital bed. Her husband wanted to die at home.“He said when he moved here, 'You can carry me out in a box,'” she said. “Of course, he didn't make it to come home, and that wish wasn't granted.”With the guidance of his doctor and her daughter, who is a nurse, O'Neill decided to move James into hospice.The atmosphere at the inpatient facility was comfortable and private, she said. The room had a bed and reclining chairs along with a window with a view that the family found peaceful.She appreciated that the hospice staff understood the importance of calling a priest to administer last rites for her husband, who was a very strong Catholic. The staff always was kind and compassionate to James and his family, O'Neill said.“They were always there asking if you needed anything, can we do anything,” she said.James entered the inpatient unit June 13 and died of sepsis, a life-threatening illness caused by a body's response to an infection, the next morning.“Hospice was really good the time that we spent there,” O'Neill said. “I have no complaints about them.”O'Neill understands hospice. She was a volunteer for several years after the death of her grandfather.“I just feel you don't want anybody to be alone,” she said. “It's something you feel you're giving something back.”She also understands grief.Although her family and friends check in and comfort her, “it's not the same as having him right here,” she said of James.O'Neill is using the bereavement program at Good Samaritan Hospice, specifically one-on-one counseling visits with Nikki Rosswog, the hospice's bereavement coordinator.“What I liked about her is I would talk, and she would give me feedback,” she said. “She makes you feel comfortable.”

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