The decision to move aging parents into a senior living home is not an easy one, but it’s one that should not be left to chance.

That’s the advice of Gary Renwick, executive operations officer at New Haven Court, 100 Newhaven Lane.

After 21 years in the field, Renwick said, “I have seen every kind of scenario you can imagine. Usually it’s a tragic event, a broken hip, malnutrition, they’re not taking their medication correctly, there’s short-term memory problems.

“The children say, ‘I didn’t think Mom or Dad was this bad.’ Boom, they’re on our doorstep.”

"The family waits too long to decide their parents need a higher level of care,“ said Amy Bailie, Concordia corporate admissions director. ”The best practice would be to start shopping around, talk to your parents about what the next step would be if something happens.“

Brian Hortert, Concordia Lutheran Ministries’ chief operating officer, said, “It seems pretty easy today for families to talk about advanced directives and living wills.

“With advanced care,” Hortert said. “it’s always too late. You you need to start thinking where you would want to go. Look at three or four places before it becomes necessary.”

Renwick said it’s much easier for all involved, the children, the parents, the senior care facility, if families are more proactive about the possibility of moving parents into a facility.

Renwick said there are red flags that show an aging parent could be running into difficulties living alone.

“It could be Mom is showing memory loss or she’s having difficulty going up and down the basement steps to do their laundry,” he said.

Other warning signs are if an aging relative is not taking his medications or if you are finding his medications on the floor.

“If they are not eating or drinking, weight loss is a big red flag,” Renwick said. “If they are not taking care of their home or themselves, if they are unkempt, that’s a big red flag.”

He added finding Mom or Dad is just sitting in a chair all day long is less dramatic but no less a very big warning sign.

Concordia’s admissions director Amy Bailie said a red flag can be more subtle.

“If there’s unopened mail, that’s kind of a warning sign,” she said. “It could be they are completely overwhelmed, not forgetful. They just can’t handle one more thing. ”

And, Bailie added, “There are scam calls. People start to get taken in a little easier. Or the neighbors call and say ‘So-and-so hasn’t been out of the house for awhile. Or there’s a change in their behavior. They’re bright and happy and 8 a.m. and at 8 p.m. they are confused.”

Dr. Dhinesh Samuel of Butler Health System said when it comes to seniors’ functionality it isn’t one size fits all.

“Someone can be pretty independent at 82 and 84 or they can be in their early 70s and having memory issues, leaving the stove on,” he said.

Samuel said the major priority in deciding to move someone to a senior setting is safety.

“The first thing is fall risk,” he said.

He said extra equipment in a senior’s home with cables and tubes coupled with incontinence, chronic pain and visual and auditory impairments all contribute to increasing the risks of fall.

Adding to the reluctance to plan for a move to a senior facility, Renwick said, is there’s still a stigma attached to putting a parent in a senior care facility.

“There’s still the impression out there that we are a nursing home. It’s not like that. It’s much different,” he said.

New Haven Court is more like an apartment building for its older residents. “We provide assistance,” Renwick said in helping New Haven’s 90 residents go about their everyday lives.

Bailie and Hortert said there are many levels of care provided by Concordia such as independent care where residents live in apartments with some meals and services provided.

“Then there’s personal care/assisted living,” Bailie said. “I like to describe it as a cruise. Residents are provided meals, laundry, housekeeping and activities on a daily basis.”

Hortert said the next level is skilled nursing which could either be a short-term rehabilitation stint of 10 to 12 days after a major event such as a heart attack or knee replacement surgery and then long-term care in a skilled unit.

The last level is hospice care.

Concordia at Cabot has retirement living (327 apartments), personal care (280 beds), skilled nursing (142 beds), adult day care and hospice services.

Brailie recommends the family and prospective clients tour facilities to get a feel for the place.

“We always encourage people to do research, ask questions, do online research on what’s important to you,” Hortert said.

The other thing that people should know and discuss with the admissions counselor is asking the very pertinent questions of what happens to Mom when the funds run out.

“With some organizations, when the money is gone, so are you. With Concordia when you are accepted as a resident, you are a resident for life,” Hortert said.

“Preplanning is really, really important. When you talk about planning, understand what is included in the price,” he advised.

Jeff Banner, owner of Heritage Elderlaw with six locations including Butler and Cranberry Township, said seven out of 10 adults will wind up needing some sort of long-term care.

It’s important that people learn the rules in coming up with a plan for their aging parents or other relatives, Banner said.

With higher levels of care, he said, the government can make your parent go broke and then go into their financial history.

“In certain cases, the nursing home has the right to sue the children for filial support,” said Banner.

That’s why it’s important to have a lawyer to explain the different ways to own property, use of power of attorney, basic estate planning tools and ways to shelter assets from long-term costs and predators in the future.

"Getting into the right home is extremely difficult,“ Banner said.” Because of COVID, many are understaffed right now. You can’t call up a facility and say do you have an empty bed.“

Coming up with a financial plan depends a lot on family dynamics.

“If everybody is on the same page great. If not you might be lighting off a family fire that can’t be put out,” Banner said.

One child is putting his concern about his inheritance over the well-being of his parents is a common problem.

“I tell people, this is going to be the most stressful thing you will go through in your life,” said Banner, about moving parents from their home to a senior center.