MIDDLESEX TWP — Saying phrases such as, “Grandpa has gone to heaven” or “Mommy will be with us always,” after their deaths won’t do grieving children any favors.

That’s the opinion of people behind the youth bereavement service of Good Samaritan Hospice of Concordia Lutheran Ministries.

The service will have it’s next educational and mentoring session for children who have lost a loved one and the children’s parents or guardians on June 25 at Concordia’s Middlesex Township location, 116 Brown’s Hill Road.

“First and most important, be honest and tell them their person has died. They are no longer breathing, but they are no longer hurting,” said Roni Lucas, executive director of Good Samaritan Hospice.

“Then, you can bring in your own beliefs. Boys process grief differently from girls; there are different things to say,” she said.

But knowing what to say is where the youth bereavement service comes in.

“It’s a service of Good Samaritan Hospice,” said Lucas. “It’s a program that we have added into our bereavement program in order to meet the needs of young children who are mourning the loss of a loved one.”

“Children are resilient. They appreciate the honesty and the reality, but that’s what we as adults tend to shy away from because we don’t want them to hurt,” Lucas said.

Heather Thompson, a Concordia scheduler who has worked in the past as a youth bereavement volunteer, said the program evolved out of Camp Erin, a three-day annual event for youths who lost loved ones that took place at Camp Kon-O-Kwee in Fombell.

Camp Erin was scuttled during the COVID pandemic in 2020. Since then, Concordia as added a new youth program that combines one-on-one sessions, virtual meetings and quarterly events such as the one slated for June 25.

The youth program was needed, said Lucas.

“We have a department of family support services and the people in family support services identified the number of young patients we were getting was increasing by leaps and bounds,” she said.

The hospice had been receiving more terminal patients in their 30s and 40s who had children, as well grandparents who were raising grandchildren when they entered hospice.

“Children actually grieve differently than adults. They grieve in and out in spurts. They will be grieving, and then five minutes later they will be back out playing,” Thompson said.

Nonetheless, children are dealing with an emotion they don’t know how to handle, Thompson said, which can lead to behaviors such as not sleeping or acting out.

“We knew the children wouldn't benefit from the traditional grief support group. They needed something special of their own for their age groups,” said Lucas.

The June 25th event will help both children and their parents deal with their emotions in a healthy way, Lucas and Thompson said.

The free event is open to children up to age 21 and their parents or guardians.

Participants will come for the day. Following an opening prayer and blessing, the children will be separated by age groups known as circle of friends. After introductions, they will break into groups and talk about “The Invisible String,” a picture book about the invisible connections between loved ones.

There will be a craft section tied to the book as the children make string bracelets.

“We’re ending with magic show that involves string,” Lucas said.

Lucas said if a child doesn’t want to participate in the day’s activities, such as crafts, alternate ones are available, such as time spent with a therapy dog.

“What we are trying to get them to realize is they are not alone. There are other children going through the same thing,” she said.

“The adults are going to go into two different sessions, with a parenting through grief book to get some ideas and skills to help their child through grieving and then a question-and-answer session with bereavement counselors,” Thompson said.

Thompson said, “I know from doing these in the past that the adult benefits from these days as much as the children because it gives them a day when they don’t have to worry about the grieving children. We do that for them.

“Being a parent is such a big responsibility. They just get a break for a day,” she said.

There’s no set number of quarterly meetings, individual sessions or virtual meetings that a child must attend.

Lucas said, “It varies with each child. Some children are very adamant about coming to every single event. Others, they start to find other interests and other activities.”

Thompson said, “They can come as many times as they would like to. There is no end to grief, whatever stage they are in, we are there to help them with that.”

Invites to the program are sent to people in the hospice service who have lost a loved one and who have a child that may benefit from the program, according to Lucas, although she said “we would never turn away anyone who was interested or needed the service.

“That’s part of the Christian community that we work in. We are here to serve people in need,” she said.