Victims of suicide remembered
Tyler Barger had never been diagnosed with mental illness or displayed clear signs of mental anguish and is described by his mother as an outgoing, positive person.
When he died by suicide in 2018 at the age of 27, it came as a shock to everyone, including his mother, Marta Barger.
Barger shared memories of her son at a suicide remembrance rally Wednesday evening, Sept. 7, in Diamond Park, where the Butler County Suicide Coalition hosted several speakers to raise awareness of suicide prevention.
Barger said she hopes her story will help others struggling with mental anguish or provide some hope to those who have experienced similar loss.
“As with most suicides, the victim does not want to be a burden to anyone and thinks everyone would be better off without them,” she said. “I hope by sharing Tyler’s story ... it will help those people struggling with ideas of suicide realize they are loved, valued and have a purpose.”
The rally Wednesday was the fifth time the coalition has hosted the event, which always coincides with National Suicide Prevention Week, according to Amy Cirelli, co-chairperson of the Butler County Suicide Coalition.
As part of the awareness-raising goal of the event, the coalition placed pairs of shoes around the fountain representing the lives lost to suicide in 2021. Thirty-seven pairs of shoes sat around the fountain, which Cirelli said was a surprising increase from last year’s 24 deaths.
“When you hear 37 people, it’s hard to picture how many that is,” said Cirelli, who also is a mental health specialist with Butler County Human Services. “Seeing the shoes laid out, it really hits home how big of an impact it is.”
Three other people spoke at the rally about their experience with suicide and mental struggles. They included Deb Smith, who lost her son, A.J., to suicide in 2016; Madison Slater, a student at Seneca Valley School District, who spoke about her Nov. 2, 2021, suicide attempt; and Ken Clowes, an assistant at Butler County Community College’s Community Initiatives Center, who spoke about his struggles with the will to live.
Smith said she has tried to honor her son’s memory by performing random acts of kindness to make strangers feel joy or even love. She said she and her family commemorate A.J.’s birthday with kind acts and encourage others who have lost a loved one to suicide to do the same.
“Do something special on their birthday — that’s a hard day,” she said. “I go out and buy a cake for somebody else on their birthday.”
Slater talked about her experience going through a mental health facility in the weeks following her attempt. Slater said it opened her to therapy, which has helped immensely.
“Since doing therapy, I have my highs and lows,” Slater said. “I have learned that I do have family and friends that care about me and would have been affected by me being gone. I have learned to reach out to people when things get hard.”
Clowes said that while he was in the throes of drug addiction through his 20s, he often thought that he would be better off dead. He now works in the Hope is Dope program with other people going through addiction, and said it helps him and others to share stories to spread hope for the future.
“I was self-medicating,” Clowes said. “There were moments there where I thought it would be OK if I never woke up.”
“We appreciate everyone because sharing that kind of story is personal and difficult,” Cirelli said. “It can be uncomfortable because that's how you create awareness and learn.”
Following the speeches, those in attendance could write a message on a piece of paper and place it on a painting that will be displayed in the Center for Community Resources office.
Barger said she hoped people would reach out if they are struggling, and she encouraged others to check on their loved ones to create an environment of acceptance of mental illness.
“Victims of suicide have plans for tomorrow, next week or even next year,” Barger said. They don’t want to die, but they don’t know how to live with the pain. It is a split-second decision that changes so many lives.“
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Need help?
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. For Pennsylvania, dial 1-800-292-3866.
