A child's self-esteem is shaped by their own thoughts and feelings about their ability to achieve in ways that would allow them to become their ideal self. It is also shaped by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in their life. Dreamstime via TNS

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Self-esteem, or the way we view ourselves, plays a central role in a child's motivation and achievements in school, social relationships and their ability to bounce back from setbacks.

A child’s self-esteem is shaped by their own thoughts and feelings about their ability to achieve in ways that would allow them to become their ideal self. It is also shaped by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in their life. This includes how they are thought of and treated by people important to them, including their parents, grandparents, teachers and friends.

The closer a child's perceived self comes to their ideal self, the higher their self-esteem. Here are some of the building blocks that can contribute to a healthy self-esteem and tips for how to nurture them in your children.

1. A sense of security and belonging. Your child must feel secure about themselves and their future. Your child also needs to feel accepted and loved by others, beginning with their family and extending to groups that they view as important to them such as friends, schoolmates, sports teams, houses of worship and even their neighborhood or community. Without this feeling of acceptance or group identity, they may feel rejected, lonely and adrift.

2. A sense of purpose. Your child should have goals that give them purpose and direction. Goals can provide an avenue for channeling their energy toward achievement and self-expression. If they lack a sense of purpose, they may feel bored, aimless, or resent being pushed in certain directions by you or others.

3. A sense of personal competence and pride. Your child should feel confident in their ability to meet challenges in their life. A sense of personal power evolves when your child has successful experiences with solving problems independently and being creative and seeing results for their efforts.

It’s important to set appropriate expectations for your child. This helps them develop competence and confidence. If you hover or overprotect them, they will likely become too dependent on you; if expectations are so high that they never succeed, they may feel powerless, defeated and incapable.

4. A sense of trust. Your child needs to feel trust in you and in himself or herself. To build trust with them, you should keep promises, be supportive and give your child opportunities to be trustworthy. This means treating your child as an honest and truthful person.

5. A sense of responsibility and contribution. Your child needs to develop a sense of importance and commitment. Give your child a chance to show what they are capable of doing. Allow them to take on tasks without being checked on all the time. This shows trust on your part, a sort of “letting go” with a sense of faith. Help them by providing opportunities to participate and contribute in a meaningful way to activities. Let your child know that they really count.

6. A sense of self-discipline and self-control. As your child strives to gain more independence, they need and want to feel that they can make it on their own. Give them expectations, guidelines and opportunities to test themselves. This lets them reflect, reason and problem-solve. It also lets them consider the consequences of the actions they may choose.

7. A sense of encouragement, support and reward. Beyond achieving goals, your child also needs positive feedback and recognition. This sends a message that they are doing well, pleasing others and “making it.”

Encourage and praise your child not only for achieving a set goal, but also for their efforts. Be sure to recognize even small changes and improvements. Give them feedback as soon as possible. This will promote a continued effort and boost reinforce their self-esteem and help them connect your comments to the activity involved.

8. A sense of accepting mistakes and failures. Your child needs to feel comfortable and supported, not defeated, when they make mistakes or fail. Explain that these setbacks are a normal part of living and learning, and that they can learn from them. Use examples from everyday life to model these skills — when you yourself make a mistake, when appropriate, share what happened with your child so they can see you move beyond it.

9. A sense of family self-esteem. Your child's self-esteem first develops within the family and is influenced greatly by the feelings and perceptions that a family has of itself. Families that fare better focus on each member's strengths. They avoid excessive criticism and stick up for each other outside the family setting. They believe in and trust each other and respect their individual differences. And they show their affection for each other and make time to be together, whether to share holidays, special events or just to have fun.

Susan Buttross, MD, FAAP, a Developmental and Behavioral pediatrician with over 35 years of experience in caring for young children, is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics' Board, Section on Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics and Council on Early Childhood. Buttross is Professor Emeritus at the University of Mississippi Medical Center, former Chief of the Division of Child Development and Behavioral Pediatrics and Medical Director of the Center for the Advancement of Youth at UMMC in Jackson, Mississippi. She also has a weekly call-in radio show on Mississippi Public Radio, “Southern Remedy's Relatively Speaking” that discusses child and family issues.