On this Valentine weekend I’m not trying to give you advice on your love life. I’m one of the last guys on Earth you’d want to turn to for that.

Actually, I’m referring to saga of Orion, the mighty hunter depicted in the night sky by the big and bright constellation we get to enjoy every winter.

Last week in Starwatch I told you about some of the many celestial treasures within it like the great Orion Nebula. This month, Orion is standing nearly upright in the early evening Butler southern sky.

At first glance it may remind you of an hourglass or a sideways bow tie but in Greek and Roman mythology the constellation depicts the torso of a very buff man. Three bright stars in a row outline the belt of the mighty hunter.

This week I want to offer my version of how Orion wound up among the stars. It’s one the best celestial soap operas in the sky. I truly hope it adds to the fun of Valentine’s Day this year.

Orion was a mighty nocturnal hunter who lived on a remote island and loved the life of a hermit. He hunted by night and slept by day. Game wardens weren’t around back then.

Every night he was out there with his spear and club getting every wild animal he could. He was living the dream and living off the land. He could even grab fish out the sea with his bare hands.

High in the heavens Orion had a secret admirer and a royal one at that. It was Artimus, the goddess of the moon and the daughter of Zeus, the king of the gods. It was her job was to guide a team of flying celestial horses pulling a flatbed cart with the moon affixed to the cart.

Night after night the winged horses pulled the moon and Artimus from east to west across the sky. When clouds weren’t blocking her view she gazed down on this mighty hunk of man roaming around on a deserted island.

Gradually, Artimus fell in love with Orion from afar. There was a problem though. It was forbidden according to rules of Mount Olympus, the headquarters of the gods, to become romantically involved with mortals.

Artimus couldn’t help herself though. She just had to meet and become very involved with Orion.

One night as she was guiding the moon she gave into temptation and yelled whoa to the airborne horses. She then sprouted her divine wings and soared down to Orion’s side.

It was love at first site for our mighty hunter. From then on night after night Artimus would stall the moon cart over Orion’s island and fly down to hunt and play with her terrestrial boyfriend.

Life was great for the happy couple until Apollo, the god of the sun and Artimus’ brother, discovered his sister was slacking off from her lunar duties to fool around with her illegal boyfriend.

Being the snitch he was, Apollo squealed to his father Zeus about his sister. The king of the gods was so enraged and acted immediately to squelch this unlawful love affair.

Zeus was actually a huge hypocrite though because throughout time he philandered with all kinds of mortal women but that’s another story for another day.

Anyway, Zeus dispatched Apollo with a giant caged scorpion strapped to his great sun chariot. When he reached the island about midday Apollo strapped a small parachute to the cage, slightly opened up the cage door and tossed it downward. When the cage hit the ground close to where Orion was enjoying his daytime slumber, the door flew open and the oversized, feisty scorpion crawled out.

Zeus’s plan was to have the scorpion crawl up to Orion, bite him in his sleep, and that would be it for his daughter’s squeeze.

It didn’t quite work out that way, though. Orion had built a security system made up of a mocking birds. As the giant scorpion drew near the birds went crazy and Orion woke up. A titanic battle ensued.

Orion fought off the scorpion for hours and hours and was on the verge of victory but the exhausted beast managed to sink his stinger into Orion’s left thigh. It was lights out permanently for the hermit hunter as he slumped onto the ground and died.

The following night, Artimus discovered her dead boyfriend and was filled with overwhelming grief and anger. The giant killer scorpion was still fairly close and was crawling away from his dastardly deed.

It caught Artimus’ eye and she instantly concluded as to what happened. She grabbed that scorpion by the neck and flung it into the sky as far as she could. In fact, she threw so far in the heavens that the murdering scorpion hit the celestial dome and magically transformed into the constellation Scorpius the that actually resembles a scorpion.

She then took the mangled body of Orion and flung it up to the opposite end of the sky. As it hit the celestial dome the body transformed into the constellation Orion.

Because Artimus threw her dead boyfriend and the scorpion is opposite directions, Orion is seen mainly the winter and Scorpius mainly in the summer. Artimus wanted a celestial memorial to her dead boyfriend and at the same time wanted to make sure the scorpion was nowhere to be seen.

In fact, you never see the constellations Orion and Scorpius at the same time in the night sky. As soon as Orion rises above the eastern horizon, Scorpius sets in the west and vice versa.

Enjoy the celestial hunter and lover boy in the winter heavens and whenever you see the moon give a wave to Artimus. She’s still grieving for Orion.

Here’s hoping you and your Valentine never go through anything like this!

Mike Lynch is an amateur astronomer and professional broadcast meteorologist for WCCO Radio in Minneapolis/St. Paul and is author of the book, “Stars, a Month by Month Tour of the Constellations” published by Adventure Publications and available at bookstores and at www.adventurepublications.net.