Butler siblings talk about journeys to sobriety
Joshua Bobby, of Butler, was once sober for seven years, then he drank again. Another time, he was sober for two years before drinking again.
Bobby and his sister Julie Hooks have both been sober since 2018, but each of their decisions came after a series of troubles created by their substance consumption.
Bobby, the older of the two, said his relationship with alcohol began when he was 10 years old — and so did many of the issues he would have throughout his young adult life.
“I was like 10 years old, I think, and it was the last day at school. My neighbor’s dad had a Beer Meister in his basement,” Bobby said. “I remember drinking like two or three beers and puking in the sink and going home drunk, and I thought, ‘I can't wait to do this again.’”
Bobby explained how his substance use would evolve, saying there “isn't a drug on the planet” he hasn’t done. He has been in and out of jail, as well as rehabilitation centers and programs.
The decision to become sober didn’t follow a simple, straight and narrow path.
Hooks, of Butler, who is about seven years younger than her brother, began drinking at a young age, too. She said she experienced drinking at high school parties, and constantly found reasons to drink while in college at Slippery Rock University.
Hooks said she didn’t realize her alcohol consumption was an issue until she reflected on the actions she performed while under the influence. She also said seeing other people around her drink made her own actions seem fine — up to a point.
“There was never any detrimental experience that paved the way for me to say, ‘Hey, alcohol is a problem,’” Hooks said. “I didn’t realize I was using it as a healing mechanism, but I was.”
Hooks said she learned as an adult that her paternal and maternal grandfathers had alcoholic tendencies throughout their lives. She said her mom’s dad was always in the basement during holiday gatherings, where he had a pool table, his guitar and his own bar.
“I didn’t observe him being a drunkard, but as an adult, I know he was an alcoholic,” Hooks said. There was never any traumatic situations or issues, I heard of it as I became an adult.”
The realization contributed to her own epiphany that she had some alcoholic tendencies as an adult, Hooks said.
“It was one of those things that I saw, and I knew that it was bad, but I didn’t think any of that had anything to do with my consumption until hindsight,” Hooks said.
Bobby said his drug and alcohol use was in part a reaction to the mental health problems he experienced. He recalled how he would be under the influence for days on end, to avoid dealing with problems going on internally.
“A normal person can have like three drinks with friends at a bar and go home, and it's like it never happened,” Bobby said. “People like me can't do that.”
Bobby’s most recent decision to go sober came after getting “annihilated” at the 2018 Butler Italian Festival. He said he got drunk to the point where he doesn’t remember anything, and chose to quit cold turkey when he came to.
While he had attended support groups and 12-step meetings throughout the days of his substance use, Bobby said he has been sober through willpower, and focusing his obsessive personality on other things — namely, motorcycles.
Bobby said he has been able to stay sober because he focuses much of his time and energy into riding and working on motorcycles. He said it keeps his mind occupied where before he may have instead done drugs to avoid his own thoughts.
“I have actually not attended any 12-step meetings, but I still have the toolbox that those meetings gave me when I used to attend them when I was younger,” Bobby said. “When you're a person that has substance problems like me and have mental health problems you have to find things you can channel that obsessiveness.”
One of the incidents that made Hooks realize she had to quit drinking came in 2010, when she got arrested on DUI.
She stopped drinking for a while, but didn’t officially quit until 2018.
Her motivator was a bodybuilding competition she was entering that year, which gave her a time frame for quitting, as well as an excuse as to why she would not drink alcohol.
“They were like, ‘I drink until about seven weeks out, and then I stop,’” Hooks said of other bodybuilders she worked with. “I decided that this particular show, I wanted to do it completely sober … It was nice to have a goal that people recognized that I could say ‘no’ to drinking and they wouldn’t question me.”
Bobby said his biggest motivation comes from his son — the two have had a difficult relationship because of Bobby’s alcohol use.
“That was one of the things that really did motivate me, is if I could get another chance to be this kid's dad I won't be the worst dad ever,” Bobby said. “I try to be someone that I could set a good example for him now, so hopefully, he doesn’t make the same mistakes as me.”
Hooks went on to win that bodybuilding competition, and continues to promote fitness as a personal trainer, nutrition coach and bodybuilding specialist.
Additionally, Bobby credits his troubles with being his greatest teacher in getting sober.
“My failures in life, those things that I failed at turned out to be the greatest teachers I could have had,” Bobby said. “Rather than dwelling on the things that I failed I use them as life lessons, so I don't repeat the same mistakes.”