Most couples decide to try to fix their troubled relationship after way too much damage has been done. Many of my relationship coach friends tell me they often wish they could have begun working with a couple months or even years before they actually sought help.

So the question becomes "Just when is the best time to fix your relationship?"

How to create a successful relationship is a crucial skill we need to learn but one rarely taught in school.

One important question is what do we do before we get married in order to have a successful marriage?

• Choose wellBe aware of your own relationship radar — how you go about becoming attracted to certain people. If this radar is faulty, you are likely to become attracted to someone who may not be good for you.In order to choose well, you may have to learn how to choose differently.You do get to choose. Be careful and certain that you are choosing well. Even if you have to interview a lot of people for the position, it is worth it when you choose well.• Pre-marital counselingThis is a great way to identify and work out some bugs early on. Whether you see a minister, a therapist or a relationship coach, you can discover areas that might be challenging for your relationship and learn skills and techniques for handling the challenges.Believing problem areas will automatically get better after marriage is a cruel myth. Without learning methods for managing differences, problems are almost guaranteed to get worse, not better.• Have a teachable spiritThis is without a doubt the most important skill.Many people enter into marriage thinking they know how to do it right. I know I sure thought that way. I even had a license and degree on my wall that said I was a marriage and family expert.Columnist Sydney J. Harris said:"Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."Read books, go to seminars, visit Web sites, receive newsletters, get good coaching when and before you need it. You also need to learn from each other. Teach each other how to be each other's own unique partner.<b><i>Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at jeffjeffherring.com or, for more tips and tools for living you can visit www.JeffHerringOnline.com.</i></b>